Everything in between

Feels like a BIG, FAT, F*CKING FARCE.

*slams the door*

xxx

I don't know how she does it. How she juggled everything in between.
I'm dying inside.
I'm not here, I'm not there.
Yet I talk and laugh as if nothing is wrong, like I can't already feel the rift beginning to grow between me and the both of them because,
Because both of them are on different sides.
DIFFERENT, OPPOSING, F*CKING SIDES
Why can't we just call it quits? It's OVER, for Pete's sake.
It's BEEN that way since a few years ago, HELLO.
Look at me, somebody, and just be in my shoes for one moment.
Can you handle being the mediator? Can you handle being friends with both sides, and yet not take sides? Can you handle only talking to one side and then talk to the other side and not talk together like we used to?
Can you take the pressure of growing gulfs between you and the world? Like there's nobody suitable or free enough to take a moment and listen to you and your stupid stories of the day, so you just keep it inside, not sharing the happiness, not doubling it?
Can you handle that both of them also have their own lives, thoughts, cliques, they've moved on and you're still clinging on for God knows what reason?
I'm the STUPIDEST, most NAIVE girl on Earth.
For f*ck's sake.
And cranky Auntie Mary that comes once a month isn't helping.
I'm sorry for being angry. It's not Auntie Mary's fault. It's not their fault.
It's just... they're victims of circumstance, of the action of giving up.
They don't work at it anymore, and they're complacent. They're okay with it.
So why can't I be okay with it AIHFIBSFBSHNLKDNG
*sigh*
At least when she was here I could talk to her about it.
She told me everything she felt, how frustrated she was, how the isolated one kept evading her questions on this topic. But she was ever the optimist, and kept going for it. Even when she was sick, hahaha. So dedicated.
I'm sorry. :) Disregard this whole entire post. I was... weak. I need to be stronger, I can do this!
You can too. :D if anything, take a good look at this then REMEMBER, there's always someone for you. Look harder. And remember that you can ALWAYS do it, just believe in yourself.
Just... there are some moments in life where you need someone else to help you along.
*sigh*..... okay, angry moment over. *slaps self*
Bai :)